Diary of Mrs. Pigeon

I am not beautifl.
I am not rich.
I am not talented.
Just basic.

I'm a city girl.
I was born middle of industrial area.
Breathe full of smog.
Eat shiny polished foods.
Play at department store.

But I'm working at farm at the moment.
Breathe full of green
Eat muddy vegetables.
Play at middle of nowhere.

It doesn't matter beautiful or not.
It doesn't matter rich or not.
It doesn't matter talented or not.
I am just basic.

same as yesterday.
Still no job.
Nobady needs me.
I don't know they don't need me.

My ability of English not enough? I think it's enough to work at supermarket. But even they don't need me.

Not friendly enough? I think my fake smile is the best one all of the world.

I can't understand that they can't see such a lovely, pretty, clever, tame, girl here.

Anyway I'm happy nowadays. Coz I got cable TV. I think doing couch Potato is the first step for working class wife.

I'm empty.
Nothing to write about my life.
Just Empty.
Most people try to find a meaning of their life.
But I can't nuderstand why they need a meaning for life.
If there was a meaning for life, so?

I don't believe people tell me a story of their life.
Have it really happen?
For example When I was a little, I went my parents home town(island) of Hirosima. Me and father and brother went fishing. It was so hot and so strong sun was there. My father and brother were wearing big straw hat.
But I didn't want to wear not fashionable country style hat. So my father bought me a new hat.

It has really happened I would say. Ask my father and brother. And I remember the hat which smells like summer.
But I'm not sure it's ture. Maybe I'm making the story.
Talking about past is all story. so I don't believe that.
Talking about future is all hope. It's not real.

1 secound before or after is not exist.
Real is just right now.
so I'm empty.

I've watched a TV program 'kill it, skin it, wear it' which is about animals fur. The documentary was absolutely shocking! How people kill animals and sell them.

Of course I eat meet and have some leather items. So I can't blame the people who sell animals fur. But it's important how the animals breeded and killed. One of the most shocking thing the program was a chinese fur company's spy video which the Chinese workers were killing and skining foxes.. They trampled down a fox's face and the fox close the eye slowly. Moreover the workers peel foxes skin the foxes still alive and a fox sit down and watch camera with black wet innocent eyes with no skin. That was so upseted me.
I'm not against chinese. I can understand that such a big country so many things happen. But how people who has got feeling, heart, education, and tears can treat animals like that.

Celeb in Japan, who introduce their luxury fur coats and tell us the price then say 'you can buy a house with this'. And other one show massive diamond rings all their fingers say 'you can buy a island with tham'Oh such a disgusting people they are! They don't care how killed the animal and how many children work and died to find the diamond.
So disgusting! I can't stand myself being Japanese same as them.

Anyway I'm not lesbian freedom fighter and don't believe that Love save the world. I'm not rich enough to believe that. But holding a beatiful cat on my lap and stroke him is a kind of saving me i would say. Hahaha.

I'm sure lots of people has writen about china olympic today.
The opening ceremony started about midday on TV.
Fireworks and performance were quite something. I'm impressed that.
But as usual Chinese people's uneducated bad behaviour.... They booed to Taiwan team (little bit Japan) when the team appeared at stadium. That was so rude. Specially such a peaceful atmosphere. I've met lots of educated polite chinese people, and I feel sorry for them.

Anyway I don't watch any sport usualy and don't play as well. I can't find interest to win or loose games. If Japanese baseball team were beated by Chinese team, I don't feel anything. If Japanse basketball team won to American team, I'll feel sorry for American team.
I know I'm talking shit. It's boring. But I prefer boring to feeling angly.

By the way I feel dozy.Never finish Olympics entrance march..It's been 3hours now....

I'm a kind of the person who listen music part of a fashion.
I'm a kind of the person who uses tears to keep quiet her mind.
I'm a kind of the person who is weak but honest.
I'm a kind of the person who still believes she can fly with a broom.
I'm a kind of the person who will never touch the sky.
I'm a kind of the person who is fighting all the time against a fate.
I'm a kind of the person who knows end of the world.
I'm a kind of the person who has two useless eyes.
I'm a kind of the person who is totally bollocks.

So I'm happy.

I'm not in a mood to write anything today as well. My brain is not working properly... Writing something in English is like driving nowhere. I don't know right or not. Therefore things that i'm thinking or speaking are such a boring! I'm certain that. That's why life is so boring.

Anyway yesterday I'd been thinking since I'd closed the computer about telling my husband I start bloging... Because If I told it to him, I can't write bad things about him....But I'm so terrible to keep a secret and lie.

I remember when I was a little I made a silly excuse to mum for late to come back home. I had a rule to come back home before 5 PM. But my friends hadn't got any rule like that. So I couldn't say that I have to go 5. So nobody didn't know the rule.
By the way one day I completly forgot about time when I was playing TV game at my friends house. Then I watched clock not intentionally. it was about 6.30! So I jumped up and run to my home. When I got home my mum was cooking and she asked me why I'm late. So I said I dropped a coin between tatami, so I was trying to pick up the coin with pencil. I don't know why I said that. And I don't remember what my mum said. so I sit on living room sofa and told her the story of seving the coin. I simply couldn't say that i just forgot about time.

What?
What am I writing? Such a boring! What do i want to say? Nothing. Nothing special.....

I'm not in a mood to write anything. It's been raining all day today. Just staying home. It makes me Lazy. Cleaning a house 20mins, eat a lunch 10mins, looking for a job tinternet 10mins(bollocks), read a book about 'life in the uk test' 5mins(Zzzz~).
Total 45mins I've finished my daily task.

So another 8 hours before my husband come back from work, I watch afternoon TV about propaty(speak to TV ), Check my Email(nobody loves me), look my face in a mirrer(Is it me?), Watch japanese TV program on Youtube(I can't fine any new upload...watch same one again..),
Drowsing, Meditating, fighting with a frustration of smoking.

Anyway I'm not in a mood to write anyting today! I'll start to write a proper Diary from tomorrow to improve my English skill....